Unfortunately, kids don’t come with a manual. Parents make mistakes all the time, and that’s okay. One of the hardest things to learn as a parent is how to talk and behave with kids. It’s easy to say or do something that gives them the wrong message or idea and you may not even realise it. No matter what you say to a child, it’s important to think before you speak.

Don’t resort to rewards or punishments: Let your child learn how to excel without basing her performance on rewards or punishments. Such methods work only for a short time.

Don’t use labels: Don’t label your child as ‘stupid’, ‘dull’ or ‘lazy’. This will damage his self-esteem and can prove to be more dangerous than poor academic performance.

Don’t compare your child with other children: Several parents tend to compare the progress of their children with others. Comparing your children to others instils a fear of failure and feelings of inferiority in them and spoils their ability to have healthy interpersonal relationships.

Don’t advertise your child’s shortcomings: If your child is unable to learn or perform well academically, seek help from teachers and other experts. Never humiliate your child in front of everyone. This is counterproductive to her growth.

Don’t be obsessed with marks: Don’t give your child targets like ‘score a century’ or ‘get first rank’. Instead, tell them to focus on learning and applying that knowledge in real life.

Don’t undermine bullying and emotional difficulties: As children grow, they form bonds and friendships that are special to them. They also may face emotional hardships in school. Don’t discount or dismiss their feelings. Instead, help them to develop effective social skills and form nurturing friendships.

Good communication is an important parenting skill. Parenting can be more enjoyable when positive parent – child relationship is established. Whether you are parenting a toddler or a teenager, good communication is the key to building self-esteem as well a mutual respect.

Basic Principles of Good Parent/Child Communication

Let the child know that you are interested and involved and that you will help when needed.

Turn off the television or put the newspaper down when your child wants to converse.

Avoid taking a telephone call when the child has something important to tell you.

Unless other people are specifically meant to be included, hold conversations in privacy. The best communication between you and the child will occur when others are not around.

Embarrassing the child or putting him on the spot in front of others will lead only to resentment and hostility, not good communication.

Don’t tower over your child. Physically get down to the child’s level then talk.

If you are very angry about a behavior or an incident, don’t attempt communication until you regain your cool, because you cannot be objective until then. It is better to stop, settle down, and talk to the child later.

If you are very tired, you will have to make an extra effort to be an active listener. Genuine active listening is hard work and is very difficult when your mind and body are already tired.

Listen carefully and politely. Don’t interrupt the child when he is trying to tell his story. Be as courteous to your child as you would be to your best friend.

Don’t ask why, but do ask what happened.

If you have knowledge of the situation, confront the child with the information that you know or have been told.

Assist the child in planning some specific steps to the solution.

Show that you accept the child himself, regardless of what he has or has not done.

Reinforce the child for keeping communication open. Do this by accepting him and praising his efforts to communicate.

One Final Touch

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive.

If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement he learns to be confident.

If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love.

If a child lives with recognition, he learns it is good to have a goal.

If a child lives with honesty he learns what truth is.

If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.

If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and those about him.

If a child lives with friendliness, he learns the world is a nice place in which to live to love and be loved.

Learning is a lifelong process and not restricted to a classroom. Parents must understand that good learning is not synonymous to getting a great score and that they play an equal and important part in nurturing their child’s love for learning. As a parent we have to understand that youngsters are naturally curious and active, and speaking to them candidly about any problems or questions they may have is always your best bet.